How to break out from perfectionism

Perfect wasn’t enough, and I could never be good enough.

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Transcript
I didn’t know who I was. And it led to this sort of inward self-hatred about I hated who I was. My name is Nate and I grew up in Eugene in the heart of the Bethel community. And throughout that time growing up, I remember specifically this perfectionism like baked within me. I remember as soon as I could crawl, I wanted to walk. As soon as I could walk, I wanted to run. As soon as I could run, I wanted to run faster. If there was an answer to a question, I would memorize it and try and get it right for the future. That perfectionism was just so integral to who I was growing up. Fast forward into middle school and this perfectionism really exposed a lot of insecurity within me.

Insecurity that I didn’t even realize until I started getting around other people. I realized that I was starting to wear different masks depending on who I was around. So for karate, I was super disciplined and a little bit angry and on edge. And I was one type of person for karate. And then when I was doing basketball, I was competitive and just one type of person around those people. And then I’d go to school and with the friends and trying to be popular and changing who I was to fit in there. And when I was at home, I was a very different person. And all these different identities eventually began to intersect. I didn’t know who I was. I could never be good enough at karate or athletic enough in basketball or smart enough in school or funny enough to be popular.

And it led to this sort of inward self-hatred about I hated who I was. And it was in that space of insecurity and brokenness and identity crisis where I truly began to question, what do I believe about life? And do I believe in God? And who is this Jesus really? But there was really just no one who was really up to that. And I remember when I was a kid, I couldn’t shake. I remember when I started really looking in to this Christianity and this Jesus person. And it was that Jesus didn’t require me to be fixed up, to be perfect, to come before him. That this Jesus saw me in my imperfection and my brokenness. He didn’t require me to be athletic or smart enough or funny enough. He welcomed me as an imperfect person.

Lord have mercy.

I couldn’t shake. I couldn’t shake. Like, I remember when I started really looking into Christianity and this Jesus person. And it was that, of eighth grade in August. And I was just wrestling with all of this. And I remember looking up and saying, God, whatever faith I have, I want to place in this Jesus who died and defeated death so that way I can have life as an imperfect, broken person.

And so Jesus began to change me and invite me to share this good news of a Jesus who sees us and loves us right where we’re at. And Jesus is still changing and reforming and shaping me. He’s shaping the way that I see people, the way that I see God himself, the way that I forgive. He’s reshaping the anger within me. He’s reshaping the lust and changing that in my heart and in my mind. And it’s a process, but he is refining and changing me continually day in and day out. And some of hardest parts of my story come after that day in eighth grade. When I said, I want to start following Jesus. But Jesus has been with me throughout every step of the way, giving me a peace that I can’t explain throughout every circumstance, throughout every trial. I know that those don’t have to define me because the Jesus who sees me does.

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Overflow Hope

Local stories. Real hope in the Central Lane County community. These are the stories of people in the greater Eugene and Springfield, Oregon community who have experienced Jesus Christ change their lives. Their stories prove Christianity is more than religion and that it's possible to change your life. There is hope when you are hopeless, lack purpose or motivation, struggling with anxiety and depression, or just know there has to be more than life than this. We hope these stories show you that Jesus is alive, loving and willing to meet anyone who cries out to Him.

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