“God Does Not Exist” || Deacon Pasquale Cinotti || Jesus My Saviour

Summary

SummaryI was a proud, practicing atheist serving as a Carabinieri policeman in Rome 😔. One ordinary day, a colleague asked me, “Do you believe in God?” I dismissed it at first, but couldn’t shake that moment. Sitting alone on a bench in Rome’s pleasant late spring air, I suddenly heard a voice—soft yet insistent—speaking of God, the Creator of all. My heart raced, and I felt trapped between fear and curiosity 😳.

Walking into work the next day, I bumped into an old friend who offered me a stack of books wrapped in brown paper. I chose three because I thought to resell them for extra money, not realizing they were New Testaments 📖. As I read through the night, time vanished. The words about Jesus gripped me—He was who He claimed to be. I wanted to know more 🙏.

Leaving the Carabinieri behind, I pursued my newfound faith by studying philosophy and religious studies. Soon, I found myself drawn to the early Apostolic Fathers—Clement, Justin Martyr, Ignatius of Antioch—and deeper into the Catholic Church. One Sunday, I walked into a parish in Newport, Wales, and left floating on air, as if breathing new, natural oxygen instead of artificial air while scuba diving 🏊‍♂️💨.

Yet as I embraced faith, the enemy fought back. Night after night in Newport, I suffered suffocating pressure on my chest, terrifying voices, and violent, demonic oppression 😱. My father protected me—praying the rosary as demons raged around, lifting curses off my life. Eventually, I was confirmed at age 29 and took a saint’s name, stepping fully into Catholic life 💒.

One night, I dreamed I was back in Roman times—soldiers marched, and I saw Saint Januarius (San Gennaro) stand before me. As his head was struck, he looked at me with compassion and urged me to persevere: “Pasquale, I give my life for Jesus and the Gospel. Can you give up your fear?” That vision convinced me that no trial—no demonic assault—could separate me from Christ 😇.

My father and a Catholic exorcist guided me through intense deliverance. Two demons had latched onto me, but the priest saw them clearly and assured me God had a plan. After three challenging days of assessments in Manchester, I entered formation for the diaconate. Four years later, on ordination day, my soul soared. I realized that faith is not about checking boxes—it’s an encounter with a living Person, Jesus Christ, who calls us, qualifies us, and sends us to serve 🎉.

Now, I serve as a permanent Deacon in the Parish of All Saints, Newport, under the Archdiocese of Cardiff. My journey from atheist Carabinieri to Catholic deacon has taught me that God’s truth fills the emptiest hearts, that He breathes new life into the parched soul, and that no darkness—demonic or personal—can overcome His light 🌟.